The following afflictions are summarized from episodes of Doc Kimmel's Writing Clinic presented in Language Arts class this year. If you think you have contracted any of these writing diseases, see the doctor immediately! Remember, many afflictions can be avoided by taking care of yourself before symptoms develop. The best advice is to exercise regulary, eat healthy food formulated to stimulate intelligence growth, and visit KIMMEL'S KORNER daily.

Hook Deficit Disorder (HDD)

Inability to write an attention grabber. Indications are a very weak introduction and loud noises (usually snoring or groaning) coming from the reader.

Organiza-shin Splints

Writing lacks a clearly developed beginning, middle, and ending. Main points are NOT developed with examples, explanations, definitions, and specific details. No organizational pattern is evident. Both writers and teachers may feel a great deal of pain while reviewing essays containing this disease.

Fluency Emergency

Patient will experience a lack of sentence variation. Sentence fragments, comma splices, run-on sentences, rambling sentences, and wordy sentences will be in abundance. Occasionally, adhesive tape may be necessary to quiet the patient if the emergency affects verbal communication.

Conclusion Blues

Patient does not have the ability to write a meaningful conclusion. Long lasting impression is negligible. Subject is not restated, and the importance of the essay is lost. Medical term is "conclublutosis." Some symptoms appear when conclusatory glands emit a natural depressant, which causes irritability and depression.

Idea Anemia

Also known as "writer's block." Patient is unable to form clear ideas in the brain when writing an essay due to a variety of factors, not the least of which is malnutrition. The brain "starves" for ideas. Some patients may also be in denial and claim that a planning sheet or some form of prewriting is unnecessary.

Laryngitis

Lack of voice within an essay. Writer shows little or no concern for the subject or the audience. Patient may experience a severe fear of expressing feelings or personal thoughts.

Choking on Word Choice

Inability to use high level vocabulary terms. Patient will "choke" and use simplistic terminology. Disease usually develops when weak nouns or weak verbs are used. Symptoms include redundancy, repetition, incorrect usage, vagueness, overuse of modifiers, and lack of technical explanations.

Conventionsitis

The patient fails to correct flaws in grammar mechanics, spelling, sentence fluency, or word choice. Symptoms include laziness, apathy, fatigue, and carelessness.

 

© Copyright 2008 A.J. Kimmel